You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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