New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
