I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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