so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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