She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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