Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
