I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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