mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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