if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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