I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
