Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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