If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
