I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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