I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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