He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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