I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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