Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
accomplished twins. life is a go
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
