i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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