Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
