I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
do nipples grow back?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
