i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My breasts were aching with rage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
