its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
