I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i dont even know how to be here
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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