he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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