This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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