wrigley field is MILF paradise
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The power of my boobs compel you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
