you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
