I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
