Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
