Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
