Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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