Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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