you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
