He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So much rum. So many feels.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
