she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
