dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
pray to the hookup gods
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
