Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
