Will you blow on my dice?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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