my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
