i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
