wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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