So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
