I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
