Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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