Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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