I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
