I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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