hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
