the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
