One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
