I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ttyl tear gas
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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