Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't like sucking hair
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
