cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
one might say we're banned from that church
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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