I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think i have two assholes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
