We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
