My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
