Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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