Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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