Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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