Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
