I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
