She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
