I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
