Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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