wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
