"it" just moved
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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