YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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