I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
