okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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