whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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