friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
